NOTE: This story takes place shortly after “A Simple Investigation.” 😀
She hated her, with every fiber in her body.
And yet, how could she hate her? She had made Odo happy, something very few people could do. Maybe it had been her imagination, but ever since he had been “changed” back from being a human, that was becoming easier. He was even smiling a bit more during their Tuesday morning meetings.
Funny, that’s about the only time I ever used to see him really happy… probably because he was immersed in his work. Kira sighed. The whole… situation between Arissa and Odo had lasted only a few days, a swift kick to her stomach. Dax had tried to convince her that there was a more intimate relationship going on between them, but she had wanted to hear nothing about that. He was keeping Arissa in his quarters for security reasons, period!
Of course, she had been wrong; she knew that from the moment he stepped off the lift into Ops, late for a meeting. That’s when she had started hating her, hating her because… because why?
Because she did something you thought you could never do. She made him forget his work and remember that he is a person, humanoid or not. She made him happy. Kira walked over to the window in her quarters. He wasn’t so happy now, though. She had seen him yesterday, at the staff meeting, trying to act as if nothing was wrong, as if nothing had affected him. And he had succeeded, for the most part, but she had caught the tell-tale sign. His eyes were dull, a lackluster version of their usual electric blue.
The meeting had been dismissed, and nearly everyone had moved to leave. She had nearly forced Sisko and Dax out of the room with a look when they had straggled a moment, waiting for Odo to make some move. Finally, the room had been left empty save her and Odo. She had waited what she would later come to find out had been nearly forty-five minutes, hoping for some sign that this was just a phase. He had just sat there, silent and immobile, staring at the cold, smooth, dark table. And she had waited, until he had risen, trembling a bit with some inner struggle.
She had grabbed at his arm, to turn him towards her; he needed to talk about this and she needed to hear.
A tendril had whipped out at her, catching her at the wrist, yanking her dangerously close to him. What had he seen through those eyes so filled with a confusion and passion that intermingled and threatened to drown her? What had he seen?
Another tendril had twined itself around her midsection, lifting her closer and higher until they were almost at eye-level, their lips mere inches apart. Her breath had grown ragged as the tendril around her had tightened. She had tried to forget about the emotions rampaging her body… the almost electric surge coursing through her veins . . . the hormones that had almost completely taken over… and had looked into his eyes. She had questioned him, with a slightly inquisitive squint of her eyes, as if she could have found what she had been looking for.
He had backed away from her quickly, nearly tripping over himself, and she had been left sitting quite smartly on the floor once released.
“I’m… I’m sorry, Major,” he had said as she stood somewhat reluctantly. Then, he had… fled from her as if she were a disease.
Kira paused in her recollection. Perhaps he had fled as if he were the disease, as if something was wrong with him.
Maybe it would be best for both of them if she found out.
(-|-)
“Computer, is Constable Odo in his quarters?”
“Affirmative.”
“Well, here goes nothing,” she said under her breath as she moved to ring the chime.
He tried to ignore it, the incessant interruption. It had to be Dax again; would she never leave him to have a night’s peace?
Like it truly matters. You’re never going to get a night’s rest.
“Come in,” he said gruffly, reforming into his humanoid form. He would send Dax on her way again and go back to regenerating.
Only it wasn’t the tall slender Trill that crossed the threshold.
“Major?” he questioned, trying to register the new arrival in his mind. What could she want? “Is everything… is everything all right?”
“I was just about to ask you the same thing.” She saw the mask slip down, and his work take over.
“Everything is fine, Major.” The clipped tone he used sounded odd in his ears.
“Odo, this is me you’re talking to, remember? Your friend, the one who always comes to you with her problems?”
“I’m sorry, Major, but there is nothing to talk about.”
“To hell there isn’t! I saw you yesterday in the staff meeting. You can’t tell me nothing happened there. Now something is wrong, and, by the Prophets, I want to know what it is!”
Her sudden outburst had caught him off guard. What could he tell her, what could he say? He couldn’t lie to her, but he couldn’t tell her the truth either because he honestly didn’t know what that was.
“I… I don’t know.” The quiet, subdued answer seemed to quell some of Kira’s ferocity.
“Well, you have to know something,” Kira persisted gently.
“I know that… that I miss her.” His eyes were involuntarily drawn to where her planet would be amongst those stars. It was, of course, a futile gesture, but somehow it comforted him. He turned to explain, but caught the tension in her face, the tightly clenched fist by her side. “What?”
“I could kill her.” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. “Damn,” she muttered. “Odo, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that; it just slipped out before I had time to think.”
“It’s all right, Major. But, if I may ask you one question, why?”
“Because I hate her.” Why couldn’t she control her own tongue? It had to be something about him, some hypnotic spell he held over her with his eyes. Next thing she knew, she’d be spitting something else out; maybe some of the secrets she knew from the Resistance or that Dax had plans to move his furniture again or…
“Why?”
“Because I love you.” Kira fumbled for an anchor point, where she could just grab on in her mind and not move. “Dammit, Odo, I came here to talk about *your* problems, not my own.”
“And loving me is a problem.” It was a flat statement, a declaration of truth, one he had come to learn over the past week.
“Only when someone… unexpected gets involved.”
Thoughts of Arissa floated to his mind, replayed themselves over and over and over again. He had been so happy, and yet bits of guilt had invaded into his mind. No matter how much he had loved Arissa, she wasn’t Kira. He couldn’t let that happen again, couldn’t get into another relationship, even if it was Kira… especially if it was Kira. She would only end up being hurt.
“Nerys, don’t do this to me.” He couldn’t risk it, not so soon, not as long as he still remembered… the way she had felt in his arms, their lovemaking, their link.
“All right,” Kira said after a moment. It had taken her so long to say those words, to mean them wholeheartedly, to admit to herself that Odo was and almost always had been much more than just her friend. To be shut down, virtually slapped in the face; it took her a moment to recover. “We can just forget this ever happened.”
“No, no. Don’t… don’t do that either.” He didn’t want to lose her, not like he had lost Arissa, but how could he… so soon after… “I… I’m just going to need some time.” His eyes begged her not to let go, not to give up on him . . . but how could she stay? She didn’t even know if he loved her.
“All right, Odo. You can have all the time you need. Just… just don’t forget that I’m here if you need me. I’ll always be here.” She added the last softly, feeling her heart torn in two as she spoke. She was incomplete and would be until he decided the time had come. She had no choice, though; there was no longer any way that she could leave him.
She would just have to wait.
(-|-)
Read the sequel, Synergy.