TRIGGER WARNING: Please note this story deals with suicide and addiction.
“You sure you’ve never done that before?” Julian asked, slumping wearily into the first open chair he found.
Kyleea managed to drag herself into a chair across the table from him. “I’d smile, but even that hurts right now.”
“The decent thing would have been to let me win at least one game, you know, home field advantage and all,” he pouted.
She felt a bit of sympathy and guilt starting to grow until she caught the barest of smile on his lips. “Well, what can I say? Springball is my new calling. In fact, I’m considering taking is up professionally, resigning from Starfleet and…”
Kyleea froze, the look of a hunted animal crossing her face, but Julian was the picture of non-reaction.
“What?” he protested. “You didn’t think Starfleet would send a copy of your medical files along ahead of you?”
She felt her shoulders relax; the springball had been good for stretching her shoulder out, that was for sure.
“And what can I get for you two?” asked Quark, appearing at the small table they had taken.
“The usual,” Julian ordered.
“Chilled apple cider.”
“Certainly,” Quark said, hiding his boredom with the choice of their drinks. Always the same for the good doctor, and now another abominable hew-mon concoction. What was the galaxy coming to?
“So what’s your usual?” Kyleea asked, but before Julian had time to answer, Quark was at their table again delivering at near warp speed.
“Here we are. One pint for the good doctor, and a chilled mug for . . . ”
“His friend,” answered Kyleea coolly, not wanting to satisfy his curiosity.
With a shrug of his shoulders, Quark disappeared again, knowing he would find out sooner or later if and when he needed to.
=^=
Odo stalked into Quark’s, glowering over the establishment – by no means an unwarranted assessment.
“And what can I do for you today, Constable?” Quark asked, a weary cheerfulness forced into his words. Odo had been in a foul mood the past few days, even by Odo standards.
“I’m looking for a Trill who came onboard the station in the past few days.”
A few snide remarks flew through Quark’s mind, but the way Odo looked reminded him of a berserker cat ready to pounce at a wrong move.
“Go ask Bashir; he seems to have made a new friend.”
Odo craned his neck to see back into the corner Quark pointed out.
Kyleea looked out towards the Promenade just in time to see the security chief staring at her. No, not staring… glowering. Instinct fell over her and she barely registered Bashir’s words as she bolted.
“You’ll never make it.”
Kyleea turned her face away, trying to blend in among the other customers as she headed for the side exit.
“Hold it right there,” Odo said, grabbing her by the arm. “I have a few questions for you.”
A shiver surged through her arm even as she tried to pull away. Diam offered calm; she was guilty of nothing, had nothing to worry about.
But somehow that didn’t help the push and pull of fear that for some reason was building inside her.
=^=
A numbness was building behind the pain inside her head. They had been sitting for what seemed like hours, just staring at each other. Well, no, Kyleea had been studying the room, the architecture, even the lines where the console met the floor – anything to avoid looking at the constable, who in turn had yet to look away from her for one moment. And it had hardly been a quarter of an hour if that.
“So,” he started, breaking the silence and reaching for a PADD, “ready to explain to me what it is you’re doing here on Deep Space Nine?”
“Not particularly.”
“Well, then maybe we’ll start off with some simpler questions until you decide that you are ready. Name?”
Her stomach turned at the sickly sweetness in the words; he was confident in getting whatever information it was he was looking for, certain that her supposed period of rest & relaxation was going to have some greater impact on the station or perhaps the whole of the Alpha Quadrant. She sighed and settled back in her chair.
“Kyleea Diam.”
“Place of birth?”
“Trill.”
“Age?”
“Not much one for tact, are we?” The sarcasm died on her lips as he looked up sharply from the PADD.
“Age,” he repeated.
“Who are you asking?”
A flash of irritation crossed his face; his patience really was in short supply lately. Odo restrained himself, realizing that this time there was no sarcasm in the statement.
“Host.”
“30.”
“Occupation?”
“Scientist.”
“Affiliation?”
Kyleea opened her mouth but paused. Having Julian know she was a Starfleet officer was one thing, but she wasn’t willing to actually offer that information up to anyone. Besides, from the way this constable was acting, she wasn’t so sure that piece of information would work to her advantage. She pushed herself up from the chair and crossed her arms across her chest… mainly to keep them from shaking.
“Unless you have something to charge me with, I refuse to answer any more questions.”
“Fine, I’m not holding you here,” Odo replied magnanimously, tossing the PADD onto his desk as he stood. “But keep this in mind,” he added, circling around the desk, “I don’t trust you and you can make sure that’s all the reason I need to watch your every move. Now get out of my office.” Odo guided her with a slight shove towards the door and turned to recover the PADD he had been studying.
=^=
Diam made it to her quarters, filing through the emotions playing inside her. Anxiety had turned to fear, back to anxiety tinged with anger which had all morphed into a fatigue that engulfed her. Some vacation spot she had let Irene pick out.
The thought of her ship – her home – brought a sob to her throat and she covered her mouth, trying to steady her nerves and maintain control.
“Computer, play the 15th Symphony of Jalik Relor’s 9th Concerto.”
The music slowly drifted through her quarters and Kyleea felt the muscles in her neck and back loosen slightly. She grabbed the quilt she had lugged with her and curled up in a corner of the sofa.
=^=
The station was always quiet at this time of night. Those who were up and about always held a calm about them and he barely noticed them as he strode the outer ring. His mind had been preoccupied most of the day, half expecting the Trill woman to return and press charges against him for pushing her out the door. Had he really done that? Part of him refused to accept that was the truth, but enough of him knew it was.
There was no case, no leads, not even any indication from Quark that the woman had anything illegal about her. And yet, he knew if he had been Andorian, his antennae would have been twitching at the trouble that seemed to embroil her. He needed to find out why that was.
Odo keyed open the door to his quarters and felt a peace and order welcome him. The day melted away as he himself melted into a restful state, willing his emotions under control and leaving everything to the next day.
=^=
“The time is 0600 hours.”
Moments of silence fell on the heels of the announcement.
“The time is 0600 hours and ten seconds.”
“Computer, discontinue,” Kyleea mumbled, her face half buried in a pillow. She hugged it to her body and tried to relax her wakening muscles. Confusion crossed her mind as she thought of the small triangular shaped … things most people she knew called pillows. A heavy sigh ran its way through her body; many things were regularly in short supply on a starship – sleep was most definitely one of them.
So why exactly had she set the computer to wake her? Of course, the idea was to have as much waking time during her vacation to do all sorts of interesting things she would never have the time for otherwise. The reality was something much softer and more comfortable.
I push myself every other day; makes sense I would push myself to relax. A small chuckle filled her throat.
There had been nothing funny, however, about the push she had received yesterday. The memory came rising to the surface, passing up lingering dreams. What the station’s security chief had against her was still a mystery. Yes, she was trying to keep certain details from becoming public knowledge during her stay, but she had done nothing wrong, nothing illegal. Surely loitering was not enough to warrant such attention.
She shook off the thoughts and let her head collapse back into the pillow. But it was too late; her mind was already awake and alert, ready to start the day. Muscles sore from springball protesting, Kyleea dragged herself out of bed and over to the replicator.
“Water, chilled.” As the glass materialized, the door chime sounded.
“Who is it?”
“Julian.”
She took a sip of water, trying to clear her head for conversation. She had spent a good deal of time with Julian already in her first day onboard the station and wondered if it was a normal occurrence for people when they went on vacation to strike up with perfect strangers.
“Kyleea?”
“Oh, come in.”
“Good morning,” he said, taking a long, slow stride over the threshold. “I just thought I’d stop by on my way to the Infirmary to check on your shoulder and make sure you didn’t pull anything during springball since you claimyou had never played before.”
“Would it make you feel better if I told you I was springball champion back on Trill?”
A smile crossed Julian’s face. “In matters such as these, a compassionate lie is sometimes better than the truth.”
“To compassionate lies, then,” Kyleea said, raising her glass in mock toast.
“So, anything planned for today?”
“Aside from tending sore muscles?” She set the glass down and rubbed at her upper arm. “I hadn’t really had time to give it much thought.”
A look of chagrin filled Julian’s face. “Oh, I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“Not exactly, no – although five minutes earlier and you would have been dealing with a very grumpy Trill. Besides, what right do you have to be so… chipper this early? Already thrown back a raktajino or two?”
“Nah, I hardly touch the stuff this early,” Julian replied, a wide smile on his face as he strolled further into the room.
A glare of disgust crossed her face. Morning person she was not. “Julian, compassionate lies, remember?”
“What? Oh, right… I’ve already had a double.”
“Better. Do you have time to have some breakfast before you go on duty?” she asked, stretching her arms behind her and reclamating her empty glass.
“Well, I can hardly go to work on a diet of raktajino, now can I?”
=^=
A yawn escaped her as Bashir set their trays down on the table.
“Not a morning person, I take it?” he asked with a bit too much cheerfulness.
“No.” Her hands clamped around the raktajino, letting the warmth flow through her normal chilly hands. “I can if I need to be, but generally I prefer to slip slowly into the day. Which usually means I gear up for the real work by about 2000 hours.” She noticed the puzzled look Julian had on his face. “Don’t worry, for research, that actually works out pretty well. Most of the main surveys and experiments are concentrated to first shift.”
“Well, I can certainly understand wanting to work with minimal interruptions. I tend to do most of my work early in the morning before anyone else comes on shift.” He stabbed at the omelette on his plate, washing it down with a bit of Tarkalean tea.
“I’m not making you late for your shift, am I?” DIam questioned, watching the quick work Bashir was making of his food.
“No, no,” he said, waving his fork for emphasis. “The line was just a bit slower this morning than I had expected.”
“Computer, time?” Kyleea asked, keeping on eye on the doctor.
“The time is 0657 hours.”
Julian paused, working to swallow his last bite. “Good thing the Infirmary is just over there. Although, I had hoped to have a more leisurely meal, get to know each other a little better.”
Kyleea shrugged. “Well, then you owe me.” She watched as he flashed her a smile, reclamated the remains of his meal, and headed over to the Infirmary. A small part twinged at the thought of reporting to duty, a listlessness that had grown steadily through her since she began her leave. She was too accustomed, too ingrained in focusing her attention on ship matters day after day that without the… distraction of it, her mind was on uneven ground.
“There has to be an open table somewhere.”
The words sunk through the general din of her mood, and Kyleea looked up from the table to notice a nearly full Replimat and an increasingly long line. The person who had spoken stood not 1 meter away, scanning the area with a companion.
“Excuse me, but I’m done here,” she said, drawing their attention. She raised her mug and waved them over, squeezing past a few others to reclamate her own leftovers. Suddenly the day drew up before her, one that had started far earlier than she had anticipated. Most of the shops were still preparing to open … and shopping didn’t quite hold her appeal. She was too wound up in analyzing how to relax yet, still too intent on processing the people she had met.
Julian. It was rare to make such a quick connection with someone. True, being Joined all too often gave her a strange sense of déjà vu, meeting people who reminded her of people who reminded her of yet other people that each host had known over the centuries. Something about Julian was familiar, but she felt as if he were familiar to her – Kyleea – alone and not just the symbiont. Strange how she still managed to separate the two in her mind; most others could never quite understand what she meant by the dichotomy. To them, there was one and only one.
Someone bumped into her, begging apologies and she quickly climbed the staircase to the second level. People were quickly making their way to duties or jobs here as well, but Kyleea managed to find a cross-section of the Promenade where she could watch those walking below her undisturbed. How many people – humans, humanoids, aliens of all shapes and configurations – how many passed through this station in a day’s time?
Her mind flashed back through the years – back when Trill was a xenophobic society; back when there had been so much to fear, so much to hide; when Poljiara had gone undercover to track down the leaks in her department… that death still remained a mystery, but it had been officially deemed an accidental fall. The distance from here to the deck below her, that surely was enough to kill a person if they fell.
Or jumped.
Kyleea gasped as a hand landed on her shoulder and spun her. She tried to focus, but Aylia’s voice had come through so clearly, had almost willed her into scaling the very railing she still clung to as if Aylia herself was still the host. In front of her, a pair of blue eyes bore into her and she clutched at them with her own, grabbing onto their gaze for her life and her sanity.
Odo felt the back of his neck stiffen as a matter of reflex at the look in her eyes. This Trill, this enigma that for some reason had caught his guard, had a crazed look about her. Something racing through her eyes that he had noticed one too many times in the criminally insane.
He blinked and it was gone. Instead there was the same offput look of irritation and anxiety he had seen earlier in his office. He dropped his hold on her shoulder to cross his arms. “You have been warned about loitering on the Promenade.”
There was no response; she stood perfectly still as if riveted to the decking. She didn’t blink, didn’t move a muscle. In fact, without his acute hearing, he might have questioned whether she was even breathing.
“I said you have been warned about loitering on the Promenade.”
A jerk of motion washed over DIam. “I’m sorry, what was that?”
Odo rolled his eyes at having to repeat himself again. “Loitering? On the Promenade?”
Kyleea blinked again, shaking her head slightly as she focused on his words. Right. He had warned her; her sore shoulder should had been proof of that. Slowly she became aware of her hand still gripping the railing and she forced her fingers to loosen, concentrated on releasing that grip. “Of course, of course. I’m… I’ll… uh…”
Her gaze shifted again – to her unclenched hand, to Quark’s, a random bulkhead, the decking. Nothing provided any anchor. She glanced past the security chief and then at him again, falling once again into his stare. Her eyes narrowed, trying to figure out what it was that gave her comfort. There certainly had been nothing close to kind words exchanged between them, nothing of comfort, and yet that was what she found.
A flicker of discomfort passed over Odo.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
“To stare? Hmph, you certainly wouldn’t be the first humanoid to do so.”
“I just… you have a beautiful face.” The words sunk into her own ears even as she spoke, registering the comment she was making. Registering the disbelief and cynicism wash over the person in front of her. And yet, she found herself still talking.
“No, I’m not just saying this. I have eleven lives of observation to back me up. Maybe it’s the fluidity or slight contours. Or maybe because there’s a sense of mystery about you… as if you refuse to expose anything you don’t have to about yourself. I’ve always found a bit of mystery attractive.”
The panic that had disappeared moments before resurfaced, and Kyleea quickly tried to fumble off an excuse – any excuse – to leave.
=^=
Odo made his way to his office, made note of new citations for various misdemeanors and then scheduled in next week’s staff meeting. As he paused, his mind wandered back over what had happened.
Beautiful? Hmph. In some way, that only proved she must be some kind of criminal. And the look in her eyes when he had first turned her to him… he had certainly seen that look before, staring back at him from inside a cell. Perhaps trying to sneak through a few days on the station by confusing the chief of security? He added a mental note to the tally to keep a closer eye on her.
=^=
Again the Temple immediately began to wash away the mental fatigue she had somehow managed to bring with her. Irene had been right, she had needed to get away, away from even the temptation of getting some extra things done around the science departments.
The Vedek led her silently to a meditation area in front of a grouping of candles and she joined a fiery looking Bajoran woman already there. Her mind started in quickly, wondering who she was, what her job aboard the station was, how long she had been here, if meditation came easily to her or if it sometimes was as much of an effort as she found it.
Kyleea put a stop to the thoughts and focused on the flames in front of her. Fire had always been immensely comforting, the way it would flicker and sometimes jump with changes in the mix of oxygen in the room. And for some reason, this intrinsic change helped her focus and melt that focus away in the same instant.
At least, most of the time it did. Her mind was flooded with random thoughts from her trip, from her time here, from her conversations with the security chief, from the woman sitting beside her. Relaxation even in its brevity had brought out the little things, thoughts she was normally distracted from by projects. A sigh escaped her as she closed her eyes and bent her head down.
“Didn’t work for you either?”
Kyleea looked over at the woman, her posture still the same, her eyes still closed. “No, and I don’t think it ever really has.”
“I know the feeling.” The woman relaxed her shoulders and opened her eyes. A moment of surprise crossed over her face, her gaze drawn to the trail of spots down Kyleea’s face.
“Not everyday you met a Trill with an earring, is it?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… but you are right.” A moment of recognition followed. “Wait, you must be Diam.”
“Yes, but how did you…”
“Jadzia told me about you,” she said, a smile crossing her face. “She said you were very… intriguing, and believe me, coming from Dax, that’s quite the compliment… I think.”
Kyleea laughed in spite of herself.
“I’m Kira Nerys.”
“Kyleea Diam.”
“What do you say we get out of here before one of the Vedeks yells at us?”
“They would do that?”
“Well, I’ve only ever gotten a stern look… or two, but you never know.” Kira smiled and pushed herself up from the floor.
The brightness and hum of the Promenade caught Kyleea off guard as they left the Temple. A yell of “Dabo!” pulled her attention to Quark’s and she felt her stomach turn.
“Not Quark’s,” they both said simultaneously.
“And not the Replimat,” Kyleea added. She had no wish to encounter the security chief again and open spaces like the Replimat would only be asking for trouble.
“Well, there are a few places on the second level, but at this time of day, they’ll all be as busy as Quark’s. And for some reason I get the feeling we both need a place where we can hear ourselves think.”
“I’ve got guest quarters in the Habitat Ring. In fact, I think I may be the only person staying in my section; I’ve yet to see another person in the corridors.”
Kira nodded as they started for one of the crossover bridges. It was just as well; her quarters had become less of a haven lately. Shakaar’s habit of dropping by unannounced had seen to that.
“Hang on,” Kira said, catching the sight of Odo heading towards his office. “I’ve got something I need to talk to Odo about, it should only take a minute.”
“Okay, I’ll just… uh, wait here.”
Confusion and amusement mixed in Kira’s eyes. “Why? Odo’s harmless enough.”
Kyleea begged her mind to come up with an answer, just some plausible reason she didn’t feel like walking the extra 10 meters.
“Never mind, here he comes… Odo!” Nerys called, stepping around Diam.
“Then I’ll be going, wouldn’t want to interfere with station business,” Kyleea called, briskly striding into the crossover.
Nerys froze. What had that been about? Well, she knew from Jadzia that Trills were nothing if not peculiar in their actions from time to time.
=^=
“Oh-nine-hundred, then?”
Odo nodded. He should have expected a staff meeting this week. Shakaar’s presence always brought with it additional security measures that needed to be carefully monitored.
“Good. See you then,” Kira said, nodding herself as she turned to leave.
“Kira…”
She stopped and turned again, an almost fluid circle of motion.
“That Diam woman…”
The tone of his voice tugged at something in the back of Kira’s mind. It was a small warning, the way he hesitated… “What about her?”
“I don’t quite trust her.”
Bashir had liked her, Jadzia had liked her, even she herself had quickly been falling into a familiarity. She was no Vedek, but she hadn’t sensed anything to be distrusted in Kyleea. But Odo’s concern brought her up short.
“I’ll keep that in mind. See you tomorrow, Constable.”
=^=